Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
