I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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