im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
