Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
