Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
