I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
