im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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