he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
