Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
