So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
