i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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