Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
