No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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