I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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