I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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