i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
