I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
