Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
