Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
