Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Mom said you looked used
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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