watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
