Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
