my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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