you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Randomize
