You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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