I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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