dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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