I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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