You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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