How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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