So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
