Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
