i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
