I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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