He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
