No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
