If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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