its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
