Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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