He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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