Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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