My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
