If that was your dad, he is hot
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
