I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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