Kiss
Puke
I wish my penis had an off switch
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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