Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
