this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
