The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
