Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
