Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
