i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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