yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
