my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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