the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
