he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
