If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
