tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
