i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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