After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
